i'm not trying to make something out of nothing, i just want our relationship to be as amazing as possible and for us to understand each other the very best we can...
i love that neither of us is conventional. maybe this is just apart of accepting people and not expecting the world? either way, any input would be so appreciated, i am totes down for some personal growth.
so i've been thinking. this is actually THE reoccurring problem between us. the problem is that we see these small actions incredibly differently, and what better place to get an objective opinion than right here!
in the situation in which g was referring to in the post before last is something way too trivial not to find a way to overcome. in that situation, i was over g's parent's house and i was very tired. (i had been up all night the night before.) g and i had just watched south park, eaten broc. pizza (our fav!) and enjoyed some terrific wine from a local vineyard. we had a totally perfect night.
it was getting late and rainy and i knew i was overtired and had to leave. so eventually i got up out of my comfy spot and asked him to walk me out. (i was parked down the street, it was late and the street light was out) he said no.
this is a problem, stupid right? this is the sort of situation that makes him feel as though i am being controlling and when we fight dirty, might go to say so (along with needy and bitchy.)
on the contrary, i happen to see it quite differently. to me, i feel it is being a gentleman to walk me out when i have to drive and it is dark. and when we fight dirty i might say selfish, (along with inconsiderate and jerk.)
so i get frustrated, because i don't understand why you wouldn't do something small for someone you love. and he gets irked, because he feels it is me being demanding.
for him its a control thing. for me, it's a respect thing.
i feel i would do the same for him; to me those small kindnesses are what make a relationship.
i think its something we need to confront, and nip in the bud. neither of us are the sort to sweat the small stuff. but this is reoccurring (in various situations.)
so, what's the damage?
i know it's not that one of us is right or wrong, in fact we are both just seeing it differently. but something has got to give so we can view this on the same page, ( just as we do with politics and music and everything else.) do we need to overcome our different interpretations, or learn to mutually pacify?
how do we do this?
is this classic men and women on different planets or what?
you can't change people, i don't want to. i love who he is. he loves who i am. is this really so petty? how do we get past this?
i'm willing to do whatever i can so this is as stupid as, well it is...call me out. i'm down for constructive criticism; i want to be a better person.
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4 comments:
To begin with I don't know how you asked him to walk you out? Was it "Will you walk me to my car?" or did you say, "Hon, the street light is out and it awfully dark out there can you please see me safely to my car?"
Although you are still asking nicely in the first scenario, to some it may sound like you are controlling them. As for the second scenario, you are voicing your concerns and maybe then he might of kindly escorted you or watched you get to your car safely.
If you asked the second question, I am sorry if I sounded like you didn't do this. Maybe just giving him an option between walking you to your car or watching until you safely drove away might have worked better for you.
I hope this helps!
your comments always help. i think we are adjusting to working on the same team for the first time in a while, (before i left the city obvi.)
i'm looking forward to progressing though, and your advice will help me do just that! i just really dont want to let anything silly build up, i want to address it and establish a good foundation before moving 3000 miles together, with nothing but each other...
you are so right about phrasing and being clear. that's something i can improve on.
thank you again.
this is just me but there should be no question... if the woman genuinely likes the man's company and wants him to accompany her to the car, that's it, he should do it, end of story.
This is a maturity issue... if you're both young, it might change over time as you both continue to mature.
ps. i just re-read this post... it's obvious, by your words, that you care a great deal about each other. As you say, try not to sweat the small stuff... it will work out over time and the great thing about love (which really best translates into "understanding") is that it forgives the small stuff in order to give the big stuff time to grow - then you can talk about those small things later and work on them together... but just trust me, the world will seem like a totally different planet in 5 or 10 years.
Best wishes to you both,
Sam
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