ok well, ok.

drawing pictures and baking bread doesn't always pay the bills....thus i have returned to a career of a more practical vein. i tend to enjoy being alone, so being in a busy office is a nice change of pace. (besides, i get my reflective/karaoke time during my 3 hour commute)

after months of being together all day & everyday, it's an odd feeling to have any experience without him beside me. we have become another limb, attached at the hip; each other's backbone; crutch....i know space is quite good and healthy though. in fact having a steady source of income and ambition has really helped me to feel a bit more relaxed in a weird way. i have always been tremendously tenacious and ive found that i'm relieved by the challenges at work. sick as it sounds, the busier the better. ive been thinking a lot about this, about what this might let me runaway from or have an excuse to run to; the validation of this lifestyle.

so despite the long commute (ie traffic) waking up at 5 am and being away from him for 55 hours a week, i couldn't ask for more at a work place. the people are just peachy and there's coffee- so i'm set.

exhausted as i adjust, but he's been mindful and helping out around the house. its funny how a job like this can bring security with a steady paycheck and also make me want to escape, the way i used to. i haven felt that in a long while. i don't know if it's turning on or off, the way i retreat inward. i don't know if i like it or not; if its good or bad. it just is part of me and that's that. funny how disconnect is so natural, i think i missed it.

otherwise, he wrote an amazing short story. i'm impressed by it and i keep running it over in my head. it's about us. i think it's sightful and accurate.
also, i think elliott smith really would have liked santa cruz.