every morning when i wake up, i ask for some direction. i suppose i'm asking the universe. i've been doing this since i moved out of the city about 2 weeks ago. i don't say it out loud, i just concentrate on it for a moment as i start my day or lay in bed. silly as it may be, i was feeling blue and i needed to think that i could do something to change it. i didn't want to feel passive and swept up in what i couldn't control. well, i woke up a few days ago and i felt as though the winds had changed. sometimes focusing on what you want will bring you closer to it, or so i've heard...but the funny thing is that nothing in my life has changed too dramatically. on paper, i am still living out of boxes in my parent's house, heartbroken and jobless. the thing that changed was how it felt. perhaps it's a tribute to dear old friends whom i got to visit; maybe it was having it out with a bottle of cheap tequila at a loud party, or finally letting myself catch-up on sleep? whatever it is doesn't matter so much to me. i'm just grateful that i'm not trying to convince myself to not feel lost or sad all the time. i don't have to. i get this strange sensation that everything is falling into place. it's as though the wheels are in motion, as fate would intend for them to be. it's wonderful and comforting. i'm made so happy by that progress that i feel positively encouraged and more patient. after all, loneliness is a connectedness that we all share.
and, i feel a really new sense of solace and integrity from having been brave enough to follow my heart. i do still get impatient, but reality is that i have a good feeling about the way things are changing, or the way they will change rather.
so, i thought i ought to spit it out in a post.
i know it's lame and sappy but i need a place to say: thank you.
the universe is so totally listening.
on another note, i came to the realization that there is just no way i could ever date someone who didn't have nasty air guitar skill. i mean really, the ability to rock out is such a necessary and redeeming quality.
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